No Need For A Drive In Movie
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: Tenchi and the girls go to a drive-in movie theater. Hilarity ensues. Takes place in the Hitoshi Okuda manga continuity based on episodes 1 thru 13 of "Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki"! Takes place before the events of OVA 3 and Tenchi Muyo: GXP.
1. Drive In or Drive Thru?

**No Need For A Drive-In Movie**

By Galaxy 1001D

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website._

_This story takes place between the tenth and eleventh episodes of the OVA and after the first two volumes of the manga "No Need For Tenchi."_

_Chapter One: Drive-In or Drive-Through?_

Because Mihoshi Kuramitsu was a beautiful young woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, many who met her did not believe that she was smart enough to read. Her cheerful demeanor and high-pitched childlike voice convinced many in the Okayama prefecture of Japan that she was a perfect example of the stereotypical 'dumb blonde.' Her ignorance over many commonly known facts made her seem especially dim. When she casually mentioned that she was a police officer from outer space, witnesses had a hard time stifling their laughter.

What was unknown outside of the country home of the isolated Masaki shrine was that Mihoshi actually _was_ from outer space and her ignorance was perfectly understandable considering that she had not even been on the planet Earth for an entire year.

Contrary to popular belief, Mihoshi was intelligent enough to read. As a matter of fact, she was smart enough to read in the four major writing systems of the Japanese nation: kanji, hiragana, katakana, and rōmaji, the Roman alphabet. The hiragana system was the easiest for her because it closely resembled the syllabic writing system of the planet Jurai.

Yes, a gorgeous alien girl from outer space has no problem mastering a simple thing like syntax and vocabulary on a relatively primitive world like planet Earth. She was proving that point one morning by reading the newspaper.

"Hey guys!" Mihoshi's voice chirped. "You won't believe this! There are actually theatres that you can drive cars into!"

"That should make it easy on you," Ryoko teased. "That way you can run your car into one and not get in trouble!" Like her companion, Ryoko Hakubi was also from outer space. She was created thousands of years ago by the greatest scientific genius in the universe, but appeared to be a woman in her thirties. Although her long legs and buxom figure made her very attractive, her wild cyan-white hair, large ears, long canine teeth and golden eyes revealed that she was an alien. Unlike Mihoshi, Ryoko really _was_ immature. Apparently blocking out thousands of years of mental abuse at the hands of an infamous villain had resulted in the maturity level of a rebellious teenager. When added to the drive of a woman in her sexual peak, the combination tended to make Ryoko… unpredictable.

"That's not fair, Ryoko," Mihoshi frowned. "I've been getting a lot better with my driving and I have my license I'll have you know!"

"Try to ignore her," Princess Ayeka offered. "That monster woman is just trying to get attention." Princess Ayeka of the planet Jurai was a slender teenage girl with purple hair and crimson eyes. Thanks to a combination of her youth, her father's taste in women, and the royal geneticists of her home planet, Ayeka's appearance was winsome and beautiful rather than foppish and inbred like the royalty on the planet she was residing on now. Although her lavender locks combined with her youthful countenance would make her seem rebellious, she was in fact the most proper and traditional of the housemates at the Masaki shrine. For example, she always wore Japanese kimonos instead of the latest styles from the west.

"I'll show you attention!" Ryoko growled, her wild hair making her appear feral and dangerous. "You're going to need _medical_ attention if you don't watch that smart mouth of yours!"

"Stop that!" a high-pitched voice scolded. "If you two don't learn to behave, you can forget about dinner!"

"We're sorry Sasami," Ryoko and Ayeka chorused.

The Princess Sasami was the younger sister of Ayeka and her role of cook and caregiver was made more ironic by the fact that she was only nine years old. After the infamous 'Birthday Cake Incident' it was unanimously decided not to count the seven hundred years that she and her sister had spent in suspended animation. Sasami was an adorable little girl with sky blue hair, bubblegum pink eyes and sprinkle of freckles across her nose. Even that this age, it was easy to see that when she grew up she would break hearts.

"I'm sorry too, Sasami," Tenchi Masaki apologized. "I should have said something. With all that you do around here you shouldn't have to keep the peace too." Tenchi Masaki was the only one in the house who could truthfully claim to be born on this planet. When the slender teenage boy met the gaggle of interstellar beauties almost a year ago, he was surprised to discover that he was related to a royal family of aliens on his grandfather's side.

"That's okay, Tenchi," Sasami assured him. "I don't mind."

"_I_ mind," the short and redheaded Washu Hakubi said in an irritated voice. "I'm going to have to take my meals in my laboratory if I have to listen to this every day." Although the four foot Washu appeared to be an eleven year old girl, the fact that she was over twenty thousand years old made her easily the oldest person in the house, or in the history of mankind for that matter. She too, was from outer space as her somewhat antiquated Galactic Science Academy jacket would indicate. When asked why she assumed the form of a child, her answer would always change. Sometimes she claimed that she sought the innocence that a youthful body would symbolize. Sometimes she said that she did not wish to suffer the indignity of 'feminine troubles'. Other times she flippantly stated that she wanted to pay half price for meals and admission. During bouts of melancholy, she would murmur something about honoring the memory of a child that was taken from her. Her housemates, including Ryoko, her superpowered creation assumed that after twenty thousand years, even a super genius goes a bit wacky.

"Meow," the furry little girl known as Ryo-oki agreed. Another creation of the ingenious Washu, the furry toddler could also take the form of an adorable feline/rabbit hybrid or a large and spiky spaceship.

"Ahem," Mihoshi cleared her throat. "As I was _saying_, it says here that there's a movie theater that you can drive into."

"What do you mean, 'drive into'?" Ayeka repeated.

"I mean there's a theater that you can drive inside of," the blonde clarified. "Your car can watch the movie too."

Princess Ayeka shielded her chin with her hand as she giggled girlishly. "Oh Mihoshi, you're such a joker. You know the very idea is absurd."

"Actually she's right." Tenchi spoke up in the blonde's defense. "There really _are_ drive-in movie theaters here on Earth."

"Huh?" came the feminine chorus around the low table the group was seated at.

"Yes," Tenchi nodded. "I think they started in the United States in the 1930's. It took longer for drive-in theaters to reach Japan. In the eighties some parking lots that weren't being used at night were converted into theaters simply by installing a screen, a projector, and an office.

"Wait a minute," Ryoko said. "Parking lots? What about _inside_ the theater?"

"Oh there is no inside," the boy clarified. "You just park your car outside and watch the movie in the parking lot."

"Oh," Mihoshi blushed. "Well, I thought the part about taking your car indoors sounded strange."

"Yeah," Washu nodded. "You'd pass out from carbon monoxide."

"Why would anyone want to go to one, Lord Tenchi?" Ayeka asked shyly. "I mean, aren't normal movie theatres good enough?"

"Well, a lot of people liked the freedom it gave you," Tenchi explained. "They are the only theaters where you can talk with your friends or bring a pet," he added, stealing a glance in Ryo-ohki's direction. He made the mistake of turning back to Ayeka and continuing. "And my dad said that they were great places to bring a date."

"A date?!" the fantastic females chorused. Stars were in each of the girl's eyes as each of them fantasized about a date with Tenchi Masaki at the drive-in movie theater.

"Hm," Ayeka mused. "A date with Tenchi…"

_Tenchi and Ayeka were in a car watching the screen as sad romantic music could be heard. Ayeka was sniffling and brushing tears out of her eyes._

"_Is something wrong, Miss Ayeka?" Tenchi gave her a concerned look._

"_I-it's nothing Lord Tenchi," Ayeka smiled weakly. "It's just a very sad movie that's all."_

"_Don't cry, Ayeka," Tenchi smiled as he put his arms around her. "The movie may be sad, but in the real world everything works out…"_

"_Oh Lord Tenchi…" Ayeka put her arms around the man she loved as they embraced each other. The romantic music surged to a crescendo as the royal teenagers kissed._

"Hee-hee-hee!" Ayeka laughed mischievously.

"A date with Tenchi…" Ryoko murmured out loud.

_Tenchi and Ryoko sat in Nobuyki's minivan as the flickering light from the screen illuminated their faces. _

"_Hey Tenchi," Ryoko said mischievously. "I heard that they call drive-in theaters 'passion pits'. How come?"_

_Tenchi smiled and blushed. "Well according to my dad, the drive-in was a great place to take your date and make out. He once told me that I was conceived in the backseat at a drive-in movie, but I think he was joking."_

_Ryoko's eyes lit up. "In the back seat, huh? There's a lot of room in a minivan, Tenchi!"_

_Tenchi blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "There sure is Ryoko!"_

_Ryoko blushed and smiled at Tenchi._

_Tenchi blushed and smiled at Ryoko._

_The minivan rocked up and down as the movie screen displayed rockets being fired into the sky, fireworks going off and other vague yet suggestive images._

"Oh yeah, a date with Tenchi," Ryoko smiled evilly.

"Hmm," Mihoshi put her forefinger to her bottom lip and looked at the ceiling. "A date with Tenchi."

_Mihoshi was dressed in a pink sweater with a long skirt that had the image of a poodle monogrammed on the fabric. Tenchi was wearing jeans with the cuffs rolled up, a white tee shirt and a black leather jacket. His hair was slicked back and combed in way to resemble a 1950's Elvis Presley. The tune to Bill Haley's 1956 hit "Rock Around the Clock" could be heard as the couple hugged each other in Tenchi's 1954 Cadillac Sedan Deville._

"_Hey Tenchi," Ayeka walked over to the driver's side while wearing a purple sweater with a monogrammed 'A' on it as well as a matching skirt and ascot. "Our car won't start. Can you take a look at it?"_

"_Sure thing, Princess," Tenchi replied nonchalantly. "This won't be a second, Mihoshi," he told his date as he got out of the car._

_Parked next to Tenchi's Cadillac was a 1952 Chevrolet Bel Air two door hard top. Ryoko was standing next to hit wearing a leather jacket over her blouse and dress. Tenchi examined the exterior then rapped the hood with his fist. Like magic, the engine turned over and the car started. Ayeka and Ryoko smiled gratefully at the boy._

"_Ayyyy," Tenchi purred in triumph as he gave the girls the 'thumbs up' gesture._

"_Thanks Tenchi," Ryoko patted his shoulder. "You're a lifesaver."_

"_Thank you Tenchi," Ayeka chimed in. "We can take it from here."_

"_Okay, girls," Tenchi waved as he walked back to his car and the waiting Mihoshi. "Call me if it gives you any more trouble now."_

_When he got back in his car, Mihoshi put her arms around him. "Gosh, Tenchi, you're so cool," she gushed._

"_Not half as cool as you, Cupcake," he said just before they kissed._

Mihoshi's bronze skin blushed beet red. "A date with Tenchi," she mused. "That would be so _cool_."

"Meow?" Ryo-ohki cocked her head to the side as her furry yet childlike face wrinkled in concentration.

_Ryo-ohki was sitting on Tenchi's lap watching a movie while eating carrot sticks out of a popcorn tub. A 'Veggie Tales' movie was being shown on the big screen. In Ryo-ohki's other hand was a helium balloon on a string._

"Mew-mew-mew," Ryo-ohki smiled at the thought of time alone with Tenchi.

"A date with Tenchi," Sasami closed her eyes and grinned. The sun shone in through the window illuminating her radiant face.

_Tenchi and Sasami were sitting in a car at the drive-in._

"_Thanks for taking me to the drive-in, Tenchi," the girl patted his arm. "It must really be boring to have to watch a kiddie-movie."_

"_I don't mind, Sasami," the boy assured her. "I'm happy just to spend time with you."_

"_Aww," Sasami blushed and stars appeared in her eyes. "That's so sweet." She put her arms around the boy and kissed him on the cheek._

_Tenchi's skin became beet red as steam erupted from his clothes. He got a dopey smile on his face as his body went limp._

"_Aw, Tenchi, you're so shy," Sasami said affectionately as she hugged him._

"I'm shy too," murmured a blushing Sasami who had put her hands on her cheeks.

"A date with Tenchi, eh?" Washu pursed her lips while leaning back to gaze at the ceiling.

_Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, Sasami, and Ryo-ohki were in the minivan at the drive-in theater._

"_Does everybody have their 3-D glasses?" Ryoko asked from the driver's seat._

"_Here!" the other's chorused as they pulled out cardboard and cellophane glasses from their clothing._

_As the girls donned their eyewear, the announcer's voice boomed throughout the parking lot. "Ladiezzzzz and gentlemen! For your pleasure today we give you our special tournament of the evening! A no-holds-barred homoerotic wrestling match between Tenchi's-clone-wearing-a-tuxedo and Tenchi's-clone-wearing-thong-underwear! Who will win this three hour nonstop battle between two humpin' pumpin' jumpin' thumpin' paragons of teenage masculinity?"_

"_We will!" the girls shouted while throwing up their hands._

_Meanwhile back at the Masaki house…_

_Washu and Tenchi danced the tango in the living room. Washu was wearing a bikini and had a rose clenched in her teeth. Tenchi was wearing silk boxer shorts and a Spanish style short crowned wide brimmed hat_.

"Yeah," Washu nodded her head. "A date with Tenchi. That would be perfect. Heh-heh-heh!"

The rest of the housemates were pulled from their thoughts by Washu's disturbing laughter.

_NEXT: Let's Go_


	2. Let's Go

**No Need For A Drive-In Movie**

By Galaxy 1001D

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. This parody has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Two: Let's Go_

It was Mihoshi who recovered first. "A drive-in movie. It sounds like fun. Wanna go, Tenchi?"

"Sure but…" Tenchi's reply as interrupted when Ryoko pushed him out of the way to confront the dizzy blonde.

"Hold on!" she commanded. "If Tenchi is going on a date with anyone it's going to be _me_!"

"I was just asking," a meek Mihoshi backpedalled, "I mean, if he was interested…"

Princess Ayeka couldn't resist getting involved. "You have some nerve thinking that Lord Tenchi would go with _you_, Ryoko!" the lavender haired lady scolded. "You know very well that he would rather go on a date with someone he wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with in public."

"Keep that up and your face will be so black and blue you'll have to wear a paper bag to go out in public," Ryoko snarled at the princess.

"Is that a threat, Ryoko?" Ayeka taunted. "You and what army?"

"What'sa'matta Princess?" Ryoko growled. "You have to have an army to back you up?"

"As if!" Ayeka snorted. "The power running through the Jurai royal family gives each of us the power of an army, _as well you know_! Or do you need reminding?"

"Looks like someone needs to remind _you_ to mind your own business," Ryoko growled.

The two rivals growled at each other as electricity crackled from their eyes.

Washu coughed into her fist and then extracted a device that looked like a brass fire extinguisher from under the table. She aimed the nozzle at the two growling women and pulled the trigger. A blinding flash filled the room as a bolt of energy hit the squabbling females and hurled them across the room. Sasami and Mihoshi hugged each other in fear. Tenchi had jerked backwards and was lying on his back from his instinctive dodge. He picked himself up to examine the stunned Ayeka and Ryoko as Washu smirked and hid her apparatus under the table.

"Ooh," grunted a dizzy Ryoko as she attempted to pick herself off the floor.

"Uh…" groaned a dazed Ayeka who just lay there as she tried to get her bearings.

"Ayeka! Ryoko!" Sasami cried as she got up from the table and dashed to their sides. "Speak to me!"

Mihoshi joined the child as she checked her housemates for injuries. "Are you two all right?"

Tenchi knelt down and glanced under the table to look for Washu's gizmo, but it wasn't there. "Huh?" he looked at Washu questioningly.

"What are you looking for, you naughty boy?" Washu smiled coyly. "I assure you, I'm wearing underwear. Too bad for you…" she winked.

Tenchi blushed and scratched the back of his neck, then decided to save face with righteous indignation. "Washu! Was it necessary to zap them like that?"

"I want a peaceful mealtime," she shrugged, ignoring Sasami's and Mihoshi's struggles to help Ayeka and Ryoko to their feet. "I figure that with electrical shocks, I can break them of the habit of fighting at the table. Pavlov's dogs, you know."

Tenchi had no idea who Pavlov was or what his dogs had to do with anything, but he suspected that Washu was referring to Ryoko and Ayeka as witches spelled with a capital 'B'. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Um don't you think that's a little…"

The look on Washu's face told the boy that the little scientist didn't think that she was harsh _enough_.

"Never mind," he sighed, deciding that unlike two of his housemates, he would pick his battles.

The rest of the meal was relatively quiet. Ayeka's luxurious purple hair was frizzy and askew, but Ryoko's wild greenish white mane didn't really look that different. Mihoshi attempted to ease the tension by making light conversation.

Since getting her driver's license, the blonde galaxy police officer made any excuse to use her driving skills. The others used any excuse not to get into the car with her driving. It wasn't that she was a bad driver, it was the fact that Mihoshi tended to babble and not pay enough attention to the road. That combined with her inexperience…

Okay. She was a bad driver. But she still seized any opportunity to demonstrate her ability behind the wheel.

"So um, what about going to a drive-in, what do you think, huh?" Mihoshi said with forced cheeriness. "I mean, it would be more fun than just sitting at home watching a movie on television, what do you say, hm?"

"Oh, yeah," Washu retorted sarcastically. "I think that spending an evening sitting in a car next to you mental cases sounds like lots of fun. Having to use a skuzzy public restroom is a lot more convenient than watching a movie on DVD at home, that's for sure. If we're lucky, there will be drunk and rowdy teenagers making noise and throwing beer bottles too. Yup. Can't think of a better way to spend my time, I'll tell you that."

"Really?" Mihoshi chirped. "You really want to go? Wow! I'll see what's playing!"

Washu, Tenchi, and Sasami facefaulted. Ayeka and Ryoko were jolted back to their senses.

"Beer bottles?" Ryoko asked. "You mean that you get to drink at a drive-in?"

"Sure," Tenchi nodded. "You can even bring your own food if you want. It's not like a normal movie theater."

"This has possibilities," Ryoko put her hand on her chin. "Sounds like going to the drive-in could be fun."

"Oh boy!" Sasami cried with youthful enthusiasm. "We're going to a drive-in movie!"

"Hm," Ayeka said thoughtfully. "It _will_ be a new experience."

"Um, I don't want to put a damper on things," Tenchi apologized as a bead of sweat appeared at his temple, "but admission for six is more than I can afford. We spent our money on groceries and Dad won't be home for another two days. I don't think that all of us will be able to go."

"No problem," Ryoko gestured in dismissal. "You and the princesses have a doddering old relative you can mooch off of. Just go bum the money off _him_."

"M-miss Ryoko!" Ayeka sputtered. "How dare you call my brother a doddering old man! He's the crown prince of Jurai I'll have you know!"

"Fine," Ryoko shrugged. "Go ahead and marry him then. Tenchi and I will be quite happy for you. Didn't the two of you used to be engaged?"

"Erg…" Ayeka had no words for that.

After dinner the housemates walked up the stone steps to the shrine at the top of the hill. The house of Tenchi's grandfather, Katsuhito, awaited them, but the old man was not in sight.

"Grandpa?" Tenchi called. "Grandpa, are you there?"

"Haiyee!" the old man cried as he burst out of the bushes brandishing a wooden sword. Tenchi cried out and dashed around the area trying to avoid his grandfather's blows. When the boy made the mistake of hiding behind the girls, Katsuhito leaped over the astonished women and seized the boy by the throat. "You're dead," he told him, "and some villain has full access to these unprotected women. You need to be ready for an attack at all times."

"Grandpa!" Tenchi spluttered as he freed himself from his grandfather's iron grip. "Ease off will ya? We just wanted some money to go the movies!"

"Shame-shame," Katsuhito shook his head. "After the attacks by Kagato and Yakage one would think that you would be ready for any attack and not leave these beautiful women defenseless. Your carelessness has already allowed two of them to be abducted and you complain about my training methods. Tut-tut. I'm ashamed of you."

Tenchi wasn't going to take that one lying down. "For crying out loud, Grandpa, you were there too! And each time you let either Ryoko or Ayeka get kidnapped! What do you have to say about that, smarty-pants?"

"I say that's no way to bum money off your grandpa," the old man winked mischievously.

"Doh!" Tenchi slapped his forehead in frustration.

"Oh please forgive him!" Mihoshi begged as tears began to form in her eyes. "He didn't mean it! There must be some way for all of us to go the drive-in together!"

"Hm?" Katsuhito adjusted his glasses as he peered quizzically at Mihoshi. "You want to go to a drive-in? Then why are you bothering me? Why don't you just hide a few of you in the trunk the way your mother and father did when they were your age?"

"What?" Tenchi couldn't believe his ears. "Mom and Dad snuck friends into the drive-in?"

"That's kind of how they fell in love," the old man winked. "They and their friends drew straws and your parents lost. In the trunk of a car they got to know each other _real_ well if you know what I mean."

"Ew!" Tenchi shuddered at the image of his virginal mother stuck in a confined space with his modern-day father. Rather than realize that his father would have been an innocent boy at the time he couldn't help but see the forty-year old voyeur groping his deceased and thus eternally young mother. "Gross!"

"Yes, it certainly sounds unpleasant," Ayeka smiled as she stroked her chin thoughtfully, "but if it's the only way…" In her mind's eye she could imagine being in the dark trunk with Tenchi. It wouldn't be _her_ fault if the close proximity gave them intimate knowledge of each other's bodies. Why being in a dark trunk, with their bodies pressed together it would be impossible for them not feel…arousal. But surely, no one could blame an innocent princess of such impure thoughts if she couldn't help it could they?

Ryoko made no pretense of innocence. "Hm, sharing a trunk with Tenchi. Could be kinky."

"Now wait a minute…" Tenchi protested. He stole a glance at his grandfather's evil smirk. The old man outfoxed him again! That will teach him to show disrespect to his grandfather! The boy silently vowed to hold his tongue next time.

"Hold on you guys," said a nervous Mihoshi. "Isn't that illegal?"

"It's only illegal if you get caught!" Ryoko declared happily.

"Wow!" gushed Sasami. "Let's draw straws!"

"Where are you going, Lady Washu?" Ayeka asked as she saw the redhead turn and walk down the stairs. "Are you going to get the straws?"

Washu stopped to turn and shake her head. "Nope. The only thing worse than being trapped in a car with you guys is being trapped in a car_ trunk_ with you guys. I'm going to stay home and work on my research… or pluck my nose hairs… or stick a thermometer up my butt. All of that sounds like more fun than going to a drive-in movie, no offense. Keep an eye on Ryoko for me and don't make me have to bail you guys out of jail. So long."

Ayeka had an uneasy feeling and she watched the diminutive redhead descend the stone steps back to Tenchi's house. The ingenious carrot-top was almost never wrong. Did she know something about drive-in movies that the princess didn't know about? Or was the public spectacle of an outdoor theater just not the reclusive Washu's scene? Still, she figured that they could go just once and if they didn't like it they wouldn't go again.

In moments, the others had gathered some straws and Tenchi was cutting them to different lengths.

Tenchi immediately took charge. "All right, since Mihoshi is the only one of us with a driver's license she has to drive."

"At least one of us should keep her company so she doesn't get lost," Ayeka pointed out.

"You know, _I_ should go in the trunk," Sasami offered. "I'm small and I can fit in there easy."

"It wouldn't be fair to just force you to ride in the trunk," Tenchi smiled as he shook his head. "We're all going to draw straws and have a chance to ride in the front with Mihoshi."

Mihoshi's voice could be heard. "Oh please let it be Tenchi!"

Ayeka and Ryoko gave the blonde dirty looks.

"I was looking at you and your mouth was shut," said Ryoko. "How did you say that so clearly?"

"It must have slipped out my ear," Mihoshi blushed.

"Okay," Tenchi announced as he clenched that straws in his fist. "One of these straws is long and the rest are short. Everyone grab a straw." A golden hand reached out. "Not you, Mihoshi," the boy added.

The blonde sheepishly withdrew her hand. "Oh, that's right. I'm driving. I see. Hee-hee-hee!" She blushed and giggled.

"Were all going to die," Ayeka muttered under her breath.

One by one the girls drew a straw and soon the winner was determined.

"I win! I win!" Ryoko announced as she brandished the longest straw. "The rest of you are losers but I am the winner! I win! I win!"

Sweatdrops formed on the others heads as Ryoko danced her victory jig.

"She must get out even less than I do," Ayeka muttered.

Tenchi tried to suppress a groan. Ryoko was about as reliable as a broken clock and Mihoshi was… Mihoshi. Still if they got in the trunk a block from the drive-in what was the worst that could happen?

_Next: Just Her and Me_


	3. Just Her and Me

**No Need For A Drive-In Movie**

By Galaxy 1001D

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. "Los Conchitos" and all related material are © Warner Brothers and Cheech and Chong. This parody has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, Warner Brothers, the author, or this website._

_Based on "Pedro and the Man at the Drive-in" by Cheech Marin and Thomas Chong from the 1973 Rhino Records album "Los Conchitos,"_

_And "Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-oki" created by Masaki Kajishima_

_Chapter Three: Just Her and Me_

"Okay, Mihoshi, we're almost at the ticket booth," Ryoko hissed into the blonde's ear. "There's only two more cars in front of us. I'm going back to tell the guys in the trunk to be quiet."

"Okay, Ryoko!" Mihoshi chirped from the driver's seat of their sedan. "You can count on me!"

Ryoko vanished from the passenger side of the vehicle to appear floating behind the car and shouted at the sealed trunk lid. "Hey you guys! We're almost at the ticket booth, so you're going to have to be quiet okay?" She leaned forward, and put a hand to her large almost pointed ear as muffled protests erupted from the trunk. "What's that, Ayeka? You like it in there? Oh quit complaining! We'll let you out once we get inside! Now be quiet or they won't let us in!" Before the astonished view of the people in the car behind her, the buxom cyan-haired woman vanished to reappear at Mihoshi's side. "Okay, I think they got the message."

"Good," the blonde nodded, "'cause we're almost there!" Sure enough, the car in front of them moved up to the ticket booth, so it would be their turn next.

In the stuffy darkness of the vehicle's trunk, Princess Ayeka fumed at the injustice of it all. "It's not fair! Why should we be stuck in the trunk while Mihoshi and the fossil woman get to ride in the front?"

"They'll let us out once we get inside," Tenchi assured her.

"I could really use some water!" Sasami gasped.

"Meow!" Ryo-ohki agreed while in cabbit form.

In the driver's seat, Mihoshi Kuramitsu was trembling. "Ryoko," the blonde whimpered. "I've never broken the law before… not on purpose…"

"Oh quit your whining!" Ryoko scolded. "We gotta play it cool! Just act casual and everything will be okay."

"All right, Ryoko," Mihoshi nodded. "Yeep!" the blonde started as the sounds of car horns erupted behind them.

"Come on!" Ryoko pointed to the ticket booth ahead. "You're making everybody wait! Move up there all ready!"

"Okay," the nervous blonde started the car and moved it forward.

"Evening ladies," said the man at the ticket booth. "How many tonight?"

"J-just two," stammered a nervous and trembling Mihoshi. "Th-there's just two of us! J-just me and her! And her and me! And me! And her! That's all! Honest! We're here together…oops," the rolled her eyes when she realized the sexual implications of what she said. "I don't mean together! Like that way or anything!" she blushed furiously. "We're um… going to meet some boys inside! That's it. So um… It's just her and me! And me and her! Just the two of us! That's all!"

"Hey buddy, what's the hold-up?" Ryoko demanded. "Are you giving us a hard time? What's the big deal here?"

"There's no big deal…" Mihoshi was cut off by the indignant pirate.

"There's only two of us, Mac!" the cyan-haired woman gestured with two fingers for emphasis. "Geeze! You act like we got someone stashed in the trunk or somethin'! What's your problem?"

"There's no problem here!" Mihoshi assured her. "S-so, it's j-just her and me! A-and me and her! There's just the two of us, so can we go in?"

The man at the ticket booth quoted the price for two tickets and wondered if they were on something.

"Oh thank you!" Mihoshi gushed. "Thank you! Thank you! I will never forget your kindness!"

"Come on," Ryoko nudged the blonde. "Just pay him already!"

Horns honked behind them as Mihoshi fumbled with the money. "Oh…kay…" the girl stammered as she paid the man. "Here you go, Mister Ticket Man, sir!"

"Get the lead out!" Ryoko commanded. "We've got to get going before all the good spots are taken! Move it!"

"All right," Mihoshi protested. "There's no need to get excited, Ryoko!" With that, the delicious duo drove off.

"Look over there," Ryoko pointed ahead with determination. "There's a spot."

"Got it," Mihoshi nodded with a serious look on her face. "You can count on me!"

With squealing tires more appropriate for an action movie chase than a parking lot, the red sedan weaved past the other cars and into a parking spot. Ryoko stuck her tongue out at the driver of another car that wanted that spot.

Suddenly Ryoko gasped. "Look!" she pointed to a place closer to the screen. "Over there! There's an even better spot over there! Go get it! Go! Go! Go!"

"I'm on it!" Mihoshi acknowledged with steely determination. The red car backed out, zoomed down the aisle, executed a bootlegger turn, and darted into the newer spot, cutting off a pair of hippies in a '73 Chevrolet.

"Woo hoo!" Ryoko cheered as she bounced up and down in her seat. "We made it! Way to go, Mihoshi!" Abruptly, Ryoko's eyes bulged out as she spied a spot even closer up. "What the? Omigod!" The cyan-haired space pirate tugged on the blonde's arm. "Mihoshi! Mihoshi! Look over there! There's a spot right next to the concession stand!"

"What?" the blue-eyed space detective squinted. "Where?"

"Right over there!" Ryoko pointed to a place in the distance. "Hurry! Or some other guys are gonna take it!"

"Not on my watch," Mihoshi vowed. "Hang on, Ryoko. This could get bumpy."

With that, the blonde floored it into reverse gear, pivoted, and roared off down the aisle. Ryoko stuck her arm out the window and shot a bolt of energy out of her hand. It exploded under them causing chunks of asphalt to fly through the air and Ryoko's side of the car to rise until their vehicle was balanced on two wheels. Now that the car was on its side, Mihoshi was able to pass a car in front of them to and complete the journey to the parking spot beside the concession stand.

The car's shock absorbers creaked in protest as Ryoko's side of the car fell back down to earth. "Woo hoo!" Ryoko and Mihoshi high-fived.

"We did it!" Mihoshi cheered.

"Way to go, Mihoshi!" Ryoko smiled. "We got the perfect spot!"

Meanwhile, in the trunk, a battered and bruised Ayeka gasped. "What are those idiots _doing_?"

"Are we being chased by someone?" Tenchi asked.

"Ayeka, I'm scared!" Sasami whined.

"Meow!" protested Ryo-ohki, who was being crushed after rolling underneath the trio.

"Ah!" Ayeka cried as the vehicle shifted forward, only to abruptly stop. "Now what?"

In the driver's seat, Mihoshi was trying to follow Ryoko's instructions.

"Okay, pull up a little bit," the cyan-haired siren directed. The car lurched forward, only to stop. "Okay, just a little more," Ryoko added. The car lurched forward again. "Just a little more now," she grunted.

"Are you sure?" Mihoshi asked her. "If we keep going, we're going to be in the space in front of us."

"Just a little… more," Ryoko squinted at the screen as if trying to gauge the distance. "Just go up a little… more…"

The car lurched forward again. "Okay, that's as far as we can go," Mihoshi told her. "I hope that's good enough."

"Hm," Ryoko frowned and stroked her chin in thought. "Let me put the seat back." She reclined the seat so she could lie back and clasp her hands behind her head. "Okay, back up," she said as she put her feet up on the dashboard.

"Huh?" blinked Mihoshi. "Back up?"

"What's the matter?" Ryoko shrugged. "You said we were too far up anyhow."

"Nothing's the matter," the blonde replied as she put the car into reverse and looked behind her. "I just didn't expect you to say 'back up' that's all."

Back in the trunk, Ayeka's head kept hitting the lid of the trunk every time the car lurched back and forth. "What are they doing?" she hissed. "Are they trying to kill us or something?"

"Ayeka, I feel sick…" moaned Sasami.

In the front seat, the languid Ryoko suddenly sprung to alertness. "Okay!" she cried. "That's perfect! Stop! Stop!"

"Okay!" Mihoshi squeaked as she hit the brake. "I stopped!" She stuck her little finger in her ear to banish the pain Ryoko's outburst caused. "Gosh, Ryoko, you scared me. You didn't have to shout."

"Sorry about that," the pirate shrugged. "Let me get the speaker."

"Right," the blonde nodded as she turned the ignition key and shut off the engine.

In the trunk, Ayeka gave a command. "I've had enough of this!" the purple-haired princess grumbled. "Tenchi, use your cell phone and find out what the holdup is!"

"Right," the boy squirmed to get the cellular telephone out of his pocket so he could call Ryoko and find out what was going on. "Uh-oh," Tenchi sighed as he gazed and the glowing liquid crystal screen. "We're in trouble."

"What now?" Ayeka hissed in an crabby, unprincessly tone.

"I got no bars," the boy reported. "We must be out of the coverage area."

As the two women relaxed in the front seat, Mihoshi frowned and cocked her head to the side. "Ryoko, do you hear something?"

"Hm?" the woman's large ear twitched at the question. "Hear what?"

"That noise," Mihoshi's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "It sounds like a rhythmic tapping sound."

Ryoko put her hand to her ear, as it twitched and pivoted like the ear of a deer. "You're right! What could be causing that? Is that the air conditioner?"

"It's not on," the blonde reported.

"Maybe you ought to turn the engine off," Ryoko suggested.

"It _is_ off," Mihoshi hissed. "What could it be? What could it be?"

In the darkness of the car's trunk, Sasami's voice could be heard. "Keep tapping, Tenchi!" the child pleaded. "They've just got to hear us!"

"Man, this is a poser," Ryoko sighed in the front seat. She rolled her eyes and clasped her hands behind her head. "It's not the speaker. What could be making that tapping noise?"

"Maybe we should ask Tenchi," Mihoshi offered. "He's from this planet. He would know."

"Yeah," Ryoko nodded. "That's a real good idea. I'll use the cell phone." She pulled a cellular telephone out of her kimono and scowled. "Wouldn't ya know it! There's no bars here! We must be in a dead zone, what they call 'dark territory'."

"Gee that's too bad," Mihoshi consoled her. "I guess we'll have to open the trunk to ask him."

"What?" Once again, Ryoko went from relaxed to alert. "What was that?"

"I said that we'll have to open the trunk…"

"Omigosh!" Ryoko's golden eyes bulged in realization. "Tenchi and the others! They're in the trunk! I completely forgot!"

"Oh my!" Mihoshi's sapphire eyes widened. "That's right! They're stuck in the trunk! They're waiting for us to let them out!" The blonde opened the door and was about to leave when she felt Ryoko grasp her arm.

"Hey, what are you doing, stupid?" Ryoko warned her. "Are you out of your mind? We're way too close to the concession stand to let them out now. People will see!"

"Oh no!" the blonde put her hand over her mouth in horror. "What do we do now?"

"We'll have to pull up next to the back fence and open the trunk there," Ryoko suggested. "We got no choice really."

"All right," Mihoshi nodded. She turned her head and shouted. "Hey hold on you guys! We're too close to the concession stand! They'll see us if we let you out!"

Muffled protests and bangs were her replies.

Mihoshi put the car in gear and pulled out to go to the rear of the drive-in.

"Pull up over there," Ryoko directed. "Right up against the back fence. There's no lights over there. It should be the perfect place to let 'em out."

"Okay," the blonde backed the car up against the fence. "Keep a lookout. I'm going to open the trunk."

"Roger," Ryoko nodded, then shaded her eyes with her hand and looked left and right. It wasn't long before she heard a whimper from the back of the car. "What's going on, are you okay?" she called back.

"Ryoko…" Mihoshi's cracked voice sounded sick.

"What's the matter," Ryoko stuck her head out the window and looked back at the trembling blonde. "Did you break the key off in the lock or something?"

"How did you know?" Mihoshi groaned.

_Next: Quest for a Crowbar_


	4. Quest for a Crowbar

**No Need For A Drive-In Movie**

By Galaxy 1001D

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer. "Los Conchitos" all related material are © Warner Brothers and Cheech and Chong. This parody has been written solely for entertainment. All popular culture references are for parody, not for profit. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer, the author, or this website._

_Based on "Pedro and the Man at the Drive-in" by Cheech Marin and Thomas Chong from the 1973 Rhino Records album "Los Conchitos,"_

_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_

_Chapter Four: __Quest for a Crowbar_

"What, are you kidding me?" Ryoko exclaimed in disbelief. "You didn't _really_ break the key off in the lock did you?"

"Yeah," Mihoshi stammered. "I guess I turned it the wrong way, 'cause it just broke right off. Now what do we do?"

Ryoko got out of the car to walk around to the back and look at the trunk. She knelt and put her eye to the lock. Sure enough, the keyhole had a broken piece of metal in it. She heard tapping and muffled voices from inside the trunk. Tenchi, Ayeka, Sasami, and Ryo-ohki were trapped inside. "Hold on you guys!" she shouted. "Mihoshi broke the key off in the lock! We gotta figure out what to do next!"

Inside the cramped and darkened car trunk, three Jurians and a cabbit froze in horror.

"Was that Ryoko?" Sasami asked weakly.

"She didn't say what I thought she said, did she?" Tenchi's nervous voice queried.

"Meow!"

"Don't worry!" Ayeka hissed through clenched teeth. "Remember the hot springs, Sasami? Ryoko could phase through the wall, grab a hold of me, and pull me through solid matter. Even if she's not playing some sick joke, she can still get us out of here!"

"Oh thank goodness!" Sasami sighed.

Outside, Ryoko's hand was glowing as she surveyed the lock.

"Ryoko?" the teary-eyed blonde repeated in a weak voice. "Now what do we do?"

"Well, not to worry, Mihoshi," the golden-eyed woman said as she rose to her feet. "You forget that I have super powers. Opening this trunk will be easy for me."

"Oh good," Mihoshi sighed.

"All I gotta do is summon a ball of energy and blast it open," the cyan-haired woman announced as motes of light gathered in his fist to form a glowing sphere.

"What? Are you crazy?" Mihoshi cried as she grabbed the pirate's arm. "We want to get them out of the trunk, not blow them to bits!"

"Oh," the light vanished, hiding Ryoko's blush. "Right. Well, I'll just create a sword…"

"What if you slice too far and cut one of them open?" Mihoshi stammered.

"Oh, yeah…" Ryoko stroked her chin thoughtfully. She hated to admit that while she was under Kagato's influence her crimes were all brute force and lacked finesse. It was humiliating to admit, that Ryoko, the most famous space pirate in history was unable to open a car trunk without destroying it. "I guess we'll have to think of something else…"

"Why don't you use your super strength?" the blonde suggested.

"And ruin this manicure?" Ryoko made a claw of her hand to show that she just had her nails done. "No thanks! People keep saying that I'm not ladylike, and I'm not going to ruin these nails unless it's life or death! Get me a crowbar or something to open the trunk with. Say, don't you keep one in the car with you at all times?"

"Um, yeah," Mihoshi said meekly.

"Okay, so go get it already." The pirate held out one hand and put her other hand on her hip.

"It's in the trunk," the blonde groaned as she hung her head in shame.

"Oh boy," Ryoko sighed. "That's going to be a problem."

Suddenly Mihoshi's face brightened. "Hey, I got an idea!" she squeaked. "Do you think that someone else here might keep a crowbar in the trunk?"

"Hmm," Ryoko held her elbow with one hand and put her fist on her chin. "It's worth a shot. Why don't you go ask someone while I stay here? Someone's got to keep an eye on the car."

"Okay, Ryoko!" Mihoshi smiled. "You can count on me!"

Ryoko smiled and gave Mihoshi a 'thumbs-up gesture' and then watched the blonde walk over to the nearest car. When the Galaxy Police officer had walked away, Ryoko hung her head in shame and leaned on the car.

Would it be possible to rip the trunk lid off without having it bend the wrong way and crush Tenchi and the others? She couldn't take the chance, and didn't want to admit to Mihoshi what a clumsy engine of destruction Kagato had programmed her to be. Now three of her best friends and her true love were trapped in a claustrophobic car trunk and Ryoko was as helpless as an Earthling.

"Hold on you guys!" Ryoko shouted at the trunk. "Mihoshi's going to see if somebody has a crowbar! You guys just sit tight and try to breathe slowly! We're going to get you out, I promise!"

Inside the blackness of the trunk, Princess Sasami wiggled helplessly in the confined space. "That was Ryoko!" Sasami yelped. "That was Ryoko! What did she say?"

"Quiet Sasami" Ayeka commanded. "Ryoko must be near the rear end of the car. This is my chance to talk to her!" The purple-haired princess raised her voice, causing earaches for those trapped with her, but they had no choice but to let her shout. "Ryoko! Ryoko!" the princess shouted. "Can you hear me?"

"Save your breath you guys!" Ryoko shouted. "Don't use up all your air! Mihoshi's going to see if she can get a crowbar!"

"Ryoko!" Ayeka shouted. "Reach through the car! Use your phasing powers and reach through the car!"

"Reach through the car!" Sasami whined.

"Reach through the car!" Tenchi bawled.

"Meow-meow mew MreOW!" Ryo-ohki yowled.

"Quiet!" Ayeka hissed. "She won't be able to understand with us all talking at once! Ryoko! Reach your hand in here! Grab a hold of us one at a time!"

"Save your air you guys!" Ryoko hollered. "You guys have to calm down and save your air!"

It was no use, Tenchi realized. Ryoko wasn't listening, and with everyone shouting at once, no one could understand each other. He could only hope that Mihoshi had understood what they were trying to say.

At that very moment, Mihoshi was at another car that was also shrouded in darkness at the back of the drive-in. She couldn't see in, because the windows were fogged over. She had no idea how the person inside could see the movie, but there had to be somebody inside, because the car was jiggling as if someone was moving around the interior. She went over to the other side of the car and noticed that one of the windows was cracked open for ventilation.

"Oh, excuse me," Mihoshi called inside. "Boy, your windows are really steamed up!" She pulled out a penlight out of her pocket and shined it through the gap to illuminate the vehicle's interior. "I was wondering… Oops! I thought you were alone!"

Two sets of passionate groans could be heard from inside.

"Er, uh," stammered a blushing Mihoshi. "I was wondering if you two could loan us something to open the trunk with. Something long and hard that we could use for leverage…"

A moan of pleasure was her only response.

"Something like a pole… I mean a crowbar!" the blonde hastily corrected herself. "You know, something like that or a hammer maybe, or a screwdriver…"

The vehicle began bouncing up and down. The shock absorbers creaked as the grunts and sighs of a man and woman erupted from the car.

"Oh my!" Mihoshi put her hand over her mouth as her blue eyes widened. "Oh my! That's… wow!" The blonde staggered back and used fanned her blushing face with her hand. "Well, um… I guess I'll just leave you two alone… Um… go ahead and continue… Just pretend I wasn't here…"

Turning around, the Mihoshi beat a hasty retreat as the grunts became hoarse cries and the car shook with the exertions of the couple inside.

Ryoko spied Mihoshi running back to her in the blonde's wimpy feminine way. She leaned back and clasped her hands behind her head. "So," the pirate asked. "Did you find anything?"

"Um yeah…" a flustered Mihoshi replied, "but I don't think we'll be able to open the trunk with it."

"Well this is no good," a frustrated Ryoko huffed. "Tenchi and the others are getting pretty impatient. I think I heard Sasami crying a little while ago. We gotta find something that will get them out."

"What will we do?" Mihoshi clasped her hands in concern. "I don't want to ask everybody in the theatre!"

"I know what you mean," Ryoko nodded. "They're going to be busy watching the movie."

"Um yeah," Mihoshi blushed and looked away. "That too."

"I know!" the tall and buxom pirate snapped her fingers. "The guys who work in the concession stand must have seen this movie a hundred times! They can't even listen to it without a speaker. You can go over where they work and ask _them_!"

"That's a great idea!" Mihoshi gushed. "You're a genius, Ryoko!"

"Yeah-yeah," Ryoko shrugged. "What are you waiting for, an engraved invitation? Tenchi and the others are suffocating in there! Get going!"

"Got it!" Mihoshi clicked her heels, scowled a determined frown and gave a snappy salute. "Don't worry about a thing, Ryoko! You can count on me!" With that, the blonde Galaxy Police Detective turned and dashed off in the direction of the concession stand.

"Just remember where we are and don't get lost, okay?" Ryoko called after her. "Oh boy," she muttered to herself. "I hope that ball of fluff doesn't get run over or something. Oh well." She stretched her arms and got back in the car. "I might as well enjoy the movie while I wait."

She put the car in gear and moved away from the fence so that it would be close to a speaker, then put it in park and shifted her body to the passenger side. She rolled down the window and attached the bulky speaker to the side of the car and adjusted the volume. The sound was scratchy, but she could still make out what was being said. She leaned back in her seat and watched the previews flash across the screen.

Heroic music boomed through the speaker and filled the car. "Space! The Final Frontier!" a voice shouted. "See how it all began with Kirk, Spock, and McCoy!"

"What's William Shatner now, eighty?" Ryoko asked.

"See a bunch of college kids in the roles you grew to love!" The voice continued. "See the new _Star Trek_ movie and search for continuity errors and compare how many you can find with your friends! It's like Smallville, but in space! Will the new guys playing Kirk and Spock be sexy enough? Will the new Uhura show more skin than the original? Find out this May!"

"Go where no nerd has gone before!" Ryoko shouted at the screen. Seek out new life in old plots and complications! Get depressed when you see how old Leonard Nimoy really is!"

A sinister voice with a Scottish accent hissed from the speaker. "I've got you now… Captain Jonny Deep!"

"Oh bugger," an actor imitating Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones exclaimed.

Exciting music blared from the tinny speaker as the sound of metal striking metal was heard. "_Buccaneers of the Gulf: Dead Men Tell No Tales!"_ a voice cried. "Starring Edmond Scissorhands and the guy who played Legoland the sidhe in the _King of the Braclets_ Trilogy! This is the sequel to end all sequels…until the next one!"

"Boy, I wonder where Mihoshi is," Ryoko sighed. "She's taking forever."

Meanwhile, Mihoshi was standing in line at the concession stand. "Gee, what a long line," the buxom Galaxy Police officer said in concern. "I hope that Ryoko doesn't get mad at me. I wonder what the holdup is."

Mihoshi gasped as paramedics walked by carrying a man in a concession stand uniform in a stretcher. "Oh my!" Mihoshi exclaimed "I hope he isn't badly hurt!" The blonde suddenly became self conscious. "The hat the snack guy was wearing sure looks like a Galaxy Police hat," she blushed.

The crowd followed the paramedics out to an ambulance, but since Mihoshi worked in emergency services herself, she stayed out of the way. As a matter of fact, she now had clear access to the boy at the cash register. "Ooh!" she exclaimed as she walked quickly to the register. "Looks like I'm not the only one with bad luck," she quipped, attempting to make small talk with the boy working the counter.

The boy sighed deeply and went from worried to depressed. He appeared to be a few years younger than Tenchi, but Mihoshi didn't know how fast boys grew up on this planet. The kid was so young, this had to be his first job. He actually would have been very good looking if not for the band-aids, blisters, and bruises on his skin. Popcorn decorated his hair like Christmas ornaments and a few stays stuck to his blue service uniform.

"Oh," Mihoshi cooed in concern when she noticed that the boy was injured. "Are you all right?"

"Hello," the boy said miserably. "My name is Seina Yamada, and it looks like I'm going to be the only one serving you tonight. What will it be?"

"Oh my!" the Galaxy Police officer surveyed the damage to concession stand. "It looks like the popcorn machine exploded! What a mess!"

"It's my fault," Seina groaned. "I can't understand it, but things just seem to go wrong when I'm around. My first day at work is probably going to be my last."

"No it won't!" Mihoshi vowed. "I've had my share of freak accidents too! I know how you feel!" Her voice softened as she put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. "Tell you what, why don't I stay here and help you with this? My mom is a cleaning lady, she taught me all about handling messes like this!"

"You mean it?" the boy couldn't believe his good fortune. "Wow! Thanks!"

_Next: Harry Knuckles and the Chamber of Sequels_


	5. Harry Knuckles & the Chamber of Sequels

**No Need For A Drive-In Movie**

By Galaxy 1001D

_Tenchi Muyo and Tenchi GXP and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. __"Los Conchitos" all related material are © Warner Brothers and Cheech and Chong. This parody has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of __AIC/Pioneer/Funamation__, Warner Brothers, the author, or this website._

_Based on "Pedro and the Man at the Drive-in" by Cheech Marin and Thomas Chong from the 1973 Rhino Records album "Los Conchitos,"_

_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_

_Chapter Five: __Harry Knuckles and the Chamber of Sequels_

"This is intolerable!" Ayeka gnashed her perfect teeth while enduring the confining darkness of the car trunk. "I can't believe those idiots locked us in the trunk!"

"I can't believe we let them," Tenchi groaned beside her.

"I can't believe I've been able to hold it for so long," Sasami added.

There was a silence to accompany the blackness in the trunk, then Ryo-ohki let out a mournful yowl.

Tenchi was mentally kicking himself for being dumb enough to think that they could save money by sneaking into the drive-in theatre this way. They were being punished for their stupidity. "Looks like crime doesn't pay," he sighed.

Ryoko sighed and clasped her hands behind her head as she leaned back in the front seat. Her restlessness caused her power of telekinesis to make the black strap hanging in the back of her kimono to twitch as if it had a life of its own, making it appear as if she had a tail.

On the screen a bespectacled teenage boy was confronting a wizard dressed in black robes. "Well if it isn't Harry Knuckles," the sinister figure hissed. "Our new… celebrity. I am Professor Hans Gruber, your Alchemy teacher. I hope you know the difference between a cauldron and the hole in your rear end."

Meanwhile, back at the concession stand, the bandaged boy named Seina Yamada was attempting to serve the customers. "Hello," he said nervously. "I'm afraid the popcorn machine is temporarily down, but we still have ice cream and crispy-crunch bars and soft drinks and stuff! What will be your order?"

Behind the counter, Mihoshi was dressed in a blue shirt and a hat that the employees wore. She was concentrating on a pink crystal cube in her hands. She would turn a face as if it was a Rubik's Cube and an object would appear in the air before her to fall to the ground. So far she had summoned a Galaxy Police pistol, a can of soda, a set of handcuffs, and a ballpoint pen.

"Come on," she hissed as she turned the facings on the pink cube. "We need popcorn! How hard is it to get a popcorn popper anyway?"

As if in reply, a home popcorn popper appeared in the air, causing the blonde to lunge forward to catch it. It was a kind they sell in stores, rather than the jumbo size professional popper that had exploded earlier. It was going to be hard to pop enough for everyone, but at least they wouldn't waste any.

Ryoko turned to reach in the back seat for the ice box. The strap in the back of her kimono really looked like a tail now. Anyone in view would believe that she was part feline, when in fact; she simply had a really nice posterior.

"Welcome to Frogsboils, Harry!" an enthusiastic voice boomed from the speaker. "The most famous school for Witches, Wizards, and Wu jen!"

"If it's so famous, how come I've never heard of it?" the boy asked a cheerful wizard in bright and colorful robes.

"Because ordinary people don't notice the magical even when it's right in front of them," The jovial spellbinder replied.

"Yeah, right," Ryoko shrugged. She vanished from her seat to appear on the car hood. "Where is Mihoshi?" She flew up into the air and looked around. "I don't see her anywhere." She disappeared from the night sky and appeared back in the car. She opened up a beer can and took a sip.

"Here at Frogsboils we teach ordinary children how to become creepy and weird adults!" The wizard continued. "Gomez and Morticia Addams are alumni! So are Marilyn Manson and Elvira, Mistress of the Dark."

"What sort of career can you get with a magical degree?" the boy asked.

"Well if an academic career or a career in alternative medicine doesn't interest you, you can always work in Vegas!" the wizard replied. "Whether you work in the theatre or work the tables, a degree in sorcery can be very handy!"

"All right," the boy nodded. "I want to study witchcraft. What do I need to do first?"

"Just renounce the Lord as your God and offer your soul to the almighty Satan," the cheerful wizard announced.

"Er," a sweatdrop appeared on the boy's head. "You _are _one of the _good_ wizards, are you not?"

"Why yes," the wizard seemed to be genuinely confused by the question. "Of course. Why do you ask?"

"Gordon Benet," the lad sighed. "I'd hate to meet one of the evil ones."

"Well if the church is against this movie, it just _has_ to be good," Ryoko said as she munched on some potato chips. Soon she was totally engrossed by the motion picture. Who knew a geeky little British kid could be so cute?

Like all sexy women from outer space, she found brave quiet teenage boys from island nations of the planet Earth incredibly attractive. This was one of the reasons that Earth became a restricted protectorate and permission from the Royal Family of Jurai was necessary for an alien to land there. Being exposed to quiet teenage boys that were born on islands on that planet could tempt a law-abiding spacewoman to become a pedophile. Any woman who visits Earth was as distrusted as someone who possesses child pornography. Since all of the girls at the Masaki shrine were underage, appeared underage or acted underage, they were considered above suspicion by the space faring community.

As Ryoko lost herself in the magical world of Harry Knuckles, Mihoshi was _still _making herself useful by helping out at the concession stand. As Seina waited on the customers, the blonde was mopping the floor. The drink machine had developed a leak. It seemed that just as she and Seina had cleaned up one mess, another popped up to take its place.

Time passed and the end credits rolled on the movie. Ryoko leaned back and sighed to herself. "Who would have guessed there would be a plot twist like that? Man, I never thought that _he_ would turn out to be a bad guy!" Her musings were interrupted by a knock at the door. "Hm?"

"Open the door, Ryoko!" Mihoshi's ditzy voice called. "I'm dropping it!"

"Okay, hold your horses," the pirate opened the door to see Mihoshi carrying an armload of snacks and drinks. Buckets of popcorn competed with bags of candy and paper cups filled with soda for space on the flimsy cardboard tray.

"Oh thank you, I was dropping it," Mihoshi sighed as she sat in the driver's seat and passed some food over to Ryoko. "Here! I got some popcorn, and some bags of Crispy-Crunch, and some soda and a light beer!"

"Thanks," Ryoko replied as she opened the beer bottle and took a swig. "So what took you so long?"

"When I was there I met this boy," Mihoshi explained. "He's younger than Tenchi and it was his first night working at the concession stand. For some reason the popcorn machine just exploded! I felt so sorry for him that I offered to help him clean up."

"Clean up?" To Ryoko, the idea of doing any chores that she wasn't obligated to do was anathema. "Wasn't that a lot of trouble?"

"Oh no," Mihoshi replied cheerfully. "It was no problem, really! My mother works as a cleaning lady for the Galaxy Police, and she taught me some tips to make cleaning easy!"

"Huh?" Ryoko raised a skeptical eyebrow as she munched on her popcorn. "Are you kidding me? I thought you told me that your family was loaded. Aren't the Kuramitsu's a really powerful noble family or something?"

"That's right!" Mihoshi said cheerfully. "As a matter of fact, my grandfather is the Grand Marshall of the Galaxy Police!"

"Then why is his little girl working as a janitor?" Ryoko asked. "Or did some gold digger marry his son?"

"Oh no," the blonde replied airily. "My grandfather Minami ismy mother's father. You have to have a really high security clearance to have access to every room and spaceship the Galaxy Police has!"

"I guess so," Ryoko commented wryly. "I mean, if a rich and powerful noblewoman is working as a cleaning lady, the position must be more prestigious than it sounds."

"Oh it is!" Mihoshi gushed. "Did you know that my mother keeps every room, corridor, and spaceship that the Galaxy Police possesses squeaky clean?"

"How does she do that?" Ryoko asked in disbelief. "Even if she is fast enough to clean every room at headquarters, how does she manage to clean the ships that are deployed?"

"Hm," Mihoshi put her finger in her mouth. "You know, I really don't know. I'll have to ask her the next time I see her."

"So anyway, what took you so long?" the pirate asked her. "I mean, you missed the entire movie."

"Well, cleaning up the concession stand _was_ harder than it looked," Mihoshi admitted. "I mean, every time we thought we were finished one of us would make another mess! When that poor boy went to the restroom the toilets started leaking! I swear, I think that Seina Yamada has to be the unluckiest boy in the universe! We tried to fix the restroom, but it ended up as something out of the Three Stooges! I think the kid's gonna lose his job."

"He sounds like a clueless klutz to me," Ryoko snorted. "Ya ought to have him apply for the Galaxy Police. I hear they're a dumb klutz short."

"Really?" Mihoshi blinked. "Who are they missing? Are they missing an officer who's clueless and clumsy? Really? When we get back home I better contact headquarters and find out who it is and where they were last seen!"

Ryoko just stared at Mihoshi in a mixture of disbelief and disgust. Maybe dizzy blonde wasn't lying when she said that her mother was a janitor. Of course, you never could tell with Mihoshi. The pirate took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So did you get a crowbar?"

"A what?" Mihoshi asked.

"You know, a crowbar," Ryoko clarified. "So we could get Tenchi and the others out of the trunk."

"Oh," the blonde groaned and glanced down in shame. "I just knew I forgot something…"

"Man," Ryoko furrowed her brow in frustration. "How are we going to get them out?"

"If we put our heads together I know we'll think of something," the optimistic Galaxy Police officer proclaimed, "as long as we don't let ourselves get distracted."

"Hey!" Ryoko looked up at the screen. "Another movie's starting!"

"Oh boy!" Mihoshi smiled. "I can't wait to watch Harry Knuckles!"

"Sorry, kid," the pirate shrugged, "but it's too late. They're not showing kiddie movies anymore. Something else is coming on."

"Oh," Mihoshi's enthusiasm dampened, but then her cheery spirit returned. "Well, maybe the late movie will be interesting! What's the title?"

"Here it is," Ryoko squinted at the screen. "It's called _The Tokyo Crowbar Massacre_."

"Oh no, Ryoko," Mihoshi protested. "Not a horror movie!"

"Hey, you never watch horror movies," Ryoko insisted. "You might like it."

"I've watched _Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein_," Mihoshi insisted, "and it scared the daylights out of me!"

"You found _Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein_ scary?" the pirate frowned in disbelief. "What a wimp."

The slasher movie was typical of the breed. The audience would sadistically watch the victims struggle to escape a masked serial killer who inevitably caught up with each one and murdered them.

"Ha-ha-ha!" Ryoko laughed, although she was more amused by Mihoshi's reactions than the low budget movie. "Come on, Mihoshi, get off the floor! You're missing it!"

"No!" the blonde childishly replied from her fetal position. "Not until he's done killing her!"

"Okay, he's done," the pirate giggled.

"Thank goodness," Mihoshi sighed as she sat up to look at the screen. "Eeeek!" her blue eyes bulged in horror and she put her hands over her face. "He wasn't done yet!"

"Yes he was," Ryoko grinned. "He was just hiding the body in the trunk."

"Then why was he hitting her over the head with that crowbar?" Mihoshi asked indignantly.

"She was still twitching," Ryoko shrugged. "Gotta make sure y'know."

"There was blood and brains everywhere!" the blonde protested.

Ryoko had to admit that the movie would have been boring without Mihoshi around to torture. Finally the end credits scrolled by on the screen and the speaker announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the theatre is now closed. Please drive carefully out the exit on your right and don't forget the speakers."

After they put the speaker back on its stand, the two space women got out of the car and stretched. As they watched the cars leave the drive-in theatre Mihoshi couldn't help but complain. "Gee Ryoko. That movie will give me nightmares."

"Oh well," Ryoko smiled.

"I'm glad that Sasami wasn't here to watch that!" Mihoshi grumbled. "She would get bad dreams too."

"Yeah," Ryoko shrugged.

"I mean, how many bodies can you hide in a car trunk?" the blonde continued. "When the heroine opened the trunk I thought I was going to throw up!"

"They _were_ in bad shape, weren't they?" the pirate asked without interest.

"Ugh! It was hideous!" Mihoshi shuddered. "The way all those bodies were all mashed up in there! It was so gross!"

"Too bad Tenchi wasn't here," Ryoko sighed wistfully. "Scary movies like that give me a chance to get hugs."

"Yeah," Mihoshi nodded, a smile brightening her face. "Horror movies do bring out his protective side, don't they?"

"Yeah," Ryoko sighed once more as she looked up into the night sky. "I wonder why he couldn't come with us."

"He had to…" the bronze skinned blonde trailed off as she frowned in concentration. "He had to… I don't remember. Ryoko, what was it he had to do?"

"I dunno," the pirate yawned. "He probably didn't want to watch some movie about guys getting hit on the head with a crowbar and then shoved into a car trunk. He's probably with Ayeka and Sasami."

"Yeah," Mihoshi nodded. "He probably is."

The two women were quiet for a moment as they gazed into the night sky. Then their eyes widened in realization as the duo looked at each other.

"Tenchi and the others!" Ryoko cried.

"Oh my!" Mihoshi put her hand over her mouth. "We forgot all about them!"

_Next: The Silent Treatment_


	6. The Silent Treatment

**No Need For A Drive-In Movie**

By Galaxy 1001D

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. "Los Conchitos" all related material are © Warner Brothers and Cheech and Chong. This parody has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funamation, Warner Brothers, the author, or this website._

_Based on "Pedro and the Man at the Drive-in" by Cheech Marin and Thomas Chong from the 1973 Rhino Records album "Los Conchitos,"_

_And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima_

_Chapter Six: The Silent Treatment_

As one, the two fantastic females turned and dashed back to the rear of the car.

"Hey!" Ryoko shouted at the trunk lid. "Ayeka! Sasami! Tenchi! Ryo-ohki! Are you guys okay? Can you hear me? Are you guys okay back there?"

"Why aren't they answering?" asked a nervous Mihoshi.

The former space pirate put her hands on her hips and huffed. "They're giving us the silent treatment," she snorted. "They're mad at us 'cause we haven't let 'em out yet."

"Well," the blonde gave an embarrassed shrug. "You really can't blame them. If I was in there, I'd be angry too."

"Yeah," the Ryoko sighed. The thought of Tenchi being mad at her always depressed the space pirate. Still, she couldn't allow herself to wallow in pity just yet. "So, any idea how we're going to get them out?" Ryoko hugged herself and tapped her foot.

"Well, Washu's good with tools so if we went home I'm sure she could do something." For once, the blonde's chirpy optimism was more reassuring than annoying. That was a welcome change.

"Good call," Ryoko smiled weakly. "No time like the present I guess."

They got into the car and started the engine. Ryoko put her hands behind her head as Mihoshi carefully drove out of the drive-in theatre and onto the city streets.

"Boy that was a creepy movie, wasn't it?" Mihoshi attempted to lighten the mood with casual conversation.

"Meh," Ryoko shrugged. "It was low budget and predictable. You want to know why they make horror movies?"

"Um, 'cause they're sick people who are in to that sort of thing?" Mihoshi guessed.

"No, it's because they're cheap and pay for themselves," Ryoko replied. "A slasher film costs peanuts to make and usually rakes in at least ten times the cost of the movie. They'll make them forever, I guess."

"I'm hungry," Mihoshi announced. "Want to stop over at the Burger Queen on the way home?"

"Sure," the pirate nodded. "I haven't had a hamburger in like, forever."

Fortunately, the Burger Queen restaurant was open after midnight on weekends. The two teenage employees who were forced to work the late hours were pleasantly surprised to see two gorgeous females enter and order hamburgers. After the delectable duo received their burgers and went to their tables, the tall, fat one wearing glasses with the red acne scarred nose said, "Hey Hitoshi! Those babes sure are hot, aren't they?"

The shorter thinner boy who worked there studied the punk woman with the dyed hair and the yellow contact lenses and said, "You said it, Amagasaki. They've got to be two of the best looking women I've ever seen. Too bad they're lesbians."

"Lesbians?" the big fat one frowned. "What makes you say that?"

"The punk rocker," Hitoshi shrugged. "Look at her hair. And the masculine way she walks. You can tell that she's not interested in men."

"You're imagining things," Amagasaki shrugged. "You're just making excuses 'cause you can't score that's all."

"Oh yeah?" Hitoshi sneered. "Go ahead and ask one of them out. They aren't interested. You'll see."

"I'll take that dare," Amagasaki grinned, shifting his corpulent bulk to waddle over to the girls' table.

"Wow," Mihoshi said without enthusiasm. "No wonder we haven't had hamburgers in a while. This tastes awful compared to Sasami's cooking."

"It's our fault for eating fast food," Ryoko shrugged. "I tell ya, the United States couldn't have done more damage if they would have thrown another atomic bomb at this island."

"Evening ladies," Amagasaki purred as he strode up to the spectacular space sirens. "We close pretty soon, and that means I'll get off work in less than a half hour. Want to go anywhere with me and my friend tonight?"

Mihoshi and Ryoko were speechless. Somehow the guy propositioning them managed to be fat, ugly, nerdy, and work in fast food… all at the same time! All he needed was to have a contagious disease or be interested in science fiction to make him _completely_ repulsive.

Ryoko found her voice first. "Eh… pass," the pirate grimaced.

The remark seemed to shock Mihoshi out of her morbid fascination with the pits and pimples on Amagasaki's red nose. "Oh… no thank you!" she waved cheerily. "Thank you for offering! It's awfully flattering though!"

"Hmph," the corpulent giant shrugged and lumbered back to the counter. "Looks like you're right," he said to his companion. "They're total lesbians. It's obvious. If they weren't so hot I would have noticed it myself."

"Told ya," Hitoshi snorted. "I spotted it the moment they walked in."

As the fantastic females exited the Burger Queen, Mihoshi shivered. "Boy, that was creepy!" she exclaimed as she got into the driver's side of the car.

"You said it," Ryoko agreed as she materialized in the front passenger seat with a quiet electronic hum. "He was so fat I thought he was going to try to eat us!"

The blonde looked behind her and backed the car out, then pivoted the vehicle to drive out of the parking lot. "Imagine, being propositioned right in the Burger Queen! You'd think that would happen at some bar or something."

"Now you know why I buy sake and bring it home," Ryoko huffed as the car stopped at a traffic light. "I tell ya, if one more horny earthling makes a pass at me I don't know what I'll do."

As if on cue, a convertible filled with rowdy college students drove up besides them.

"Hey ladies, why don't ya party with us!" one of them called while his friends cackled. "We can show you a real good time!"

Traumatized after watching the horror movie, Mihoshi slouched in her seat and tried to be less noticeable.

The pirate's reaction was quite different. "Get lost you losers!" Ryoko shook her fist at the drunken frat boys.

"Aw," the obnoxious spokesman mocked. "You gonna make us, precious? What are yuh gonna do, spank us?"

"Spank me!" the skinny one sitting next to him grinned. "I've been naughty!"

Ryoko smiled grimly as the convertible's occupants laughed. "Yeah, that's right, jerks," she sneered as motes of light appeared in the air and coalesced into her hand to form a glowing sphere, "and here's the paddle! Take this!"

The blast blew the door off the convertible and knocked it on its side.

"Ryoko!" Mihoshi scolded as she drove off. "You can't do that! That's got to be illegal or something!"

"You can handle the next group of jerks," Ryoko grumbled. "Honestly, they act like there's something wrong with unescorted women travelling late at night."

"No more sugar for you," the blonde insisted.

* * *

The next morning the sun rose over the Masaki shrine. Birds chirped merrily as two logs at the front gate commented on the weather. One by one the inhabitants of the Masaki house got up and went downstairs to breakfast. Well three of them anyway.

"Where's Tenchi and Princess Prissy-pants?" Ryoko said looking around the table.

"Where's Sasami?" Mihoshi asked. "We usually make breakfast together."

"Don't look at me," Washu said wryly. "You guys left the house with 'em last night. Don't you know?"

"Hmm," Mihoshi frowned and looked up at the ceiling.

"Umm," Ryoko rolled her eyes and stuck her finger in her mouth.

"You lost them, didn't you?" Washu asked, disappointment in her voice. "I should have known better. Think back. When did you last see them?"

"Uh," Ryoko frowned and stroked her chin.

"Erm," Mihoshi looked to the side and tapped her finger on her cheek.

"Come on," Washu folded her arms in disgust. "You must have some idea."

"Yeah," Ryoko's voice seemed distracted. "I just… can't recall right now…"

"It's on the tip of my tongue," Mihoshi nodded while frowning in concentration. "Just a minute… I've almost got it…"

Washu got up from the table and walked away shaking her head. She strode outside and over to the car. Pulling a small device out of her pocket, she went to the back of the car and waved it over the car trunk.

With an electronic hum and a pinkish glow, the trunk popped open. The redhead opened the trunk to witness three unconscious Juraians. They were dressed in Jurian battle armor and had tiger stripes on their cheeks. Tenchi grasped the Tenchi-ken. Sasami's tiny hand held her ship's key that had been unused since Ryu-Oh crashed. Ayeka wore her tiara. An eight faceted crystal turned into a brown rabbit/feline hybrid before her eyes and meowed angrily.

"Yes, little one," Washu nodded gently. "You have every right to be angry."

* * *

I can't believe you idiots just left us in there all night!" Princess Ayeka screeched. "If if weren't for Tenchi we would have died!"

"I asked Ayeka if the Juraian battle armor would allow us to survive in outer space," Tenchi added. "When she said yes, it seemed to be a way to avoid suffocating."

"But that armor augments your strength and endurance," Ryoko argued. "Weren't you guys strong enough to escape?"

"By then we were so weak we were lucky to keep breathing!" Ayeka grimaced. "You left us in there!"

"But we broke the key off in the lock," Mihoshi pointed out. "It was an accident! Honest!"

"You forgot all about us!" Ayeka scolded. "I can't believe you two idiots just forgot all about us! You two are so stupid it's amazing you can eat without poking your own eyes out!"

"Speaking of eating, Sasami's in pretty bad shape," Tenchi added. "Until she recovers, I hope you all like ramen."

Upstairs, a small blue-haired girl lay on her futon with the blankets pulled up to her chin. The window was open, letting in the afternoon light. "S-so dark!" Sasami shuddered in her bed. "I can't breathe! It's so dark!"

"Meow," Ryo-ohki caressed her sweating brow.

Downstairs, Mihoshi faced the others around the table and tried to think of a way to redeem herself. "Oh gee," the blonde put her finger to her lips. "I'm sorry! I just don't know where my head is sometimes!"

"Probably up your…" Washu muttered under her breath, but was interrupted by another outburst.

"I know!" Mihoshi announced happily. "We can make it up to you! I know just the thing!"

"Oh really?" Ayeka sneered sarcastically. "What can you possibly do to make it up to us?"

"We can take you out to a drive in movie!" the blonde exclaimed cheerily.

Washu, Ayeka, and Tenchi all facefaulted.

Washu recovered first. "You've got to be kidding…" the redhead muttered, her eyes narrow slits.

"Yeah?" Ryoko asked the dizzy blonde. "What's playing?"

"Who cares?" Mihoshi waved the advertisement in her hand. "Tonight only, women get in for half price!"

"You are out of your mind," Ayeka snorted in contempt. "There is no way you are going to talk Lord Tenchi and I into getting into a vehicle with you two lunatics again!"

* * *

That night…

"I can't believe they talked us into going to the drive-in theatre again!" Ayeka grumbled from the confines of the car trunk.

"I can't believe that we agreed to go even when we lost the draw again," Tenchi groaned.

"Well at least Sasami doesn't have to suffer with us," the princess sighed. "She's safe at home with Ryo-ohki and Washu."

"Yeah," Tenchi agreed halfheartedly.

"I just can't believe… this is happening again!" Ayeka sobbed.

"Cheer up Ayeka," Tenchi consoled her. "Every cloud has a silver lining. Remember what grandpa told us? My mom and dad fell in love in a car trunk."

"I'm sure that was just a story," Ayeka grunted.

"Maybe," Tenchi agreed, "But we've got to pass the time some way don't we?"

In the pitch darkness, Tenchi couldn't see a smile form on Ayeka's lips.

In the front seat, Mihoshi frowned. "Ryoko? Is the car moving to you?"

"What?" the pirate glanced away from the movie.

"I could swear I can feel the car bouncing up and down," the blonde insisted.

"You're imagining things," Ryoko assured her. "It's just because we're watching an action movie. It's your nerves, nothing more."

"Okay," the blonde agreed. "You're probably right, Ryoko."

END


End file.
